Business Development Archives

Jan 10 2017

Mastering the Art of Small Talk for Introverts

Mastering the Art of Small Talk for Introverts

I am one of those Extroverted Introverts. The type of person who is very chatty and lively when I know you but is stepping right out of my comfort zone when it comes to networking and chatting with people that I do not know. I have taught myself over the years to manage my nerves because I know, that when it comes to building my business, networking which involves small talk, is the number one source of my work.

It is more often than not that I find I get work because someone knows me or knows of me. Never underestimate the value of networking, which I discussed last week as well as small talk to building a successful business.

So, if you are also an introvert my guess is that when it comes to a crowd you slowly, or maybe suddenly start to feel ill inside. The idea of opening your mouth fills you with dread as you have no idea what is going to come out. You cannot imagine what you will have to say to keep someone interested in YOU. Then if they do they are going to discover you are a bit of a phony, who are you fooling, you might as well go home.

I know all of these conversations as they used to consistently fill my head in groups where I didn’t know anyone very well.

So read on and you’ll discover some really simple tips to revealing what to say, when you are feeling nervous.

Joining the party

The safest and easiest way to join a conversation at a social function is by approaching a group of three to six people. Any smaller and they may be in an intimate conversation and any larger and you can be left on the edge.

Talk about the arts

Very safe subjects to talk about are films, theatre and any other arts that may be on in your area. You can talk about local shows or festivals that may be happening. This will often lead-on to the performances, the stars, maybe some awards or coming attractions.

The good old favourites—football and golf

All sports and hobbies are a very safe topic and are enjoyed by most people. The state and town you are in will determine what football league you will be talking about. But then again, you may also wish to talk about whatever your hobbies are. This can lead on to some experiences the other person may have had.

Conversation taboos

We all know that the subjects to avoid are sex, religion and politics. Save these topics for your friends at a heated dinner party with lots of red wine; don’t open conversations about these topics with someone you barely know.

Have a good opening line

Know that at many functions you will be asked about your job. Rather than just saying ‘I’m in sales’, ‘I’m in marketing’ or ‘I’m an accountant’, add a little more information. Think of it as a fifteen-second elevator speech. You have only got a few seconds to say what you do to get someone’s interest so that they will ask more questions. It is not a time to pitch, it is an opportunity to get someone interested.

Here are two scripts to follow:

Option #1

Typically, who I work with are …………………………….. (target market)

Who are having the challenge of ……………………………………………… (provide a relevant problem you solve that they will most likely also have).

I help them get ………………………………………………………. (results/change they get)

Option #2

You know how, ……………………. ( outline a pain or action your ideal client/ or the listener has/does )

Well my business…………………………….. (outline how you fix that problem)

In fact. ………………………………. (you can place an offer or solution here)

This can also be referred to your USP or your elevator pitch -Please take care to modify it to your environment.

I once heard a couple at a social gathering use their Elevators pitches to new people they met who were from totally different backgrounds and the responses they got were clearly that they made the other person feel inferior in their presence. Not an impressive result at all for either side. Always ensure your communication makes everyone feel empowered not diminished. Basically no one cares who you are…they care what you can do for them.

Basically no one cares who you are…they care what you can do for them. So drop the “I am’s” and add the “I can do for you’s…”

Listen for your clues

When you are in a conversation, look someone in the eye and truly listen to what they are saying. It can give you clues to lead the conversation in many more directions and save embarrassing silences with the two of you looking around for something else to discuss.

Books bridge the gap

When I was travelling, I always knew what the latest books were by what other passengers were reading. Nowadays I rely on the top ten lists or what takes my interest. I have found that books can be the source of a very lengthy and interesting topic of conversation between strangers.

What else is there?

So you have talked about sport, you’ve talked about the theatre and you have talked about books. Other topics you might want to talk about are music, shows you have seen, travel or places you have been. You may even want to talk about architecture and cities and of course, business. Generally, if you are at a networking event, the idea is to get to know a little about what the other person does and what type of business they are in. That way you can see if there is any synchronicity with your own business and how you may be able to help each other.

When in doubt dogs and kids are also very safe and can start someone talking for hours. Be wary though, you may not be able to get away from this conversation.

Asking questions

Paraphrasing what the person has said and asking them more about the topic is a great conversation continuer. If that fails, start any sentence with How, What, When Where or Why and you can open up multitudes of topics.

Last Word

I have been known to go to a party and use the whole conversation time by asking people about their stories and seeing how long I can go without saying much about myself. It is surprising how long you can last as many people do like to talk about themselves.

If you still feel stuck with conversing with people you don’t know, give me a call and we can work through some of your stumbling blocks and I can find you some really simple solutions.

Get to know yourself better through my many quizzes.

Oct 29 2016

How close is too close?

Personal Zones

Personal space is the psychological “bubble” that exists when one person stands too close to another. Research has revealed that there are four different zones of interpersonal space:

1. Intimate distance ranges from touching to about 18 inches (46 cm) apart, and is reserved for lovers, children, close family members, friends, and pet animals.

2. Personal distance begins about an arm’s length away; starting around 18 inches (46 cm) from the person and ending about 4 feet (122 cm) away. This space is used in conversations with friends, to chat with associates, and in group discussions.

3. Social distance ranges from 4 to 8 feet (1.2 m – 2.4 m) away from the person and is reserved for strangers, newly formed groups, and new acquaintances.

4. Public distance includes anything more than 8 feet (2.4 m) away and is used for speeches, lectures, and theatre. Public distance is essentially that range reserved for larger audiences.

These tips and many more can be found in the online training programs for graduates and anyone who wants to get ahead in the corporate world. Have a look at the programs for men and a separate one for women here.

Oct 20 2016

Email Etiquette

ELECTRONIC ETIQUETTE

Whilst the computer age was hailed as a means of making life easier it has mainly taken up more of our time both at work and at home. It has also opened up a whole new range of etiquette issues to be dealt with daily.

Always use the subject line

Due to the huge amount of mail received by many people daily, the subject line is often the decider used on whether to open a letter or not. It also helps to sort emails into their folders. I have been known to treat an email as suspicious if it has no subject and will often delete it.

Break the chain

What more can I say? Living in a time where we should fill our thoughts with positive affirmations the last thing I need is to be threatened with a lack of good fortune because I did not forward some sappy email to other people less interested than I in the next nanosecond.

Use the Bcc function

You can land yourself in a lot of hot water by exposing other people’s email addresses. When sending out an email to a group of people send the mass of addresses from the Blind carbon copy (“Bcc”) line and one to yourself in the “To” line. It will save any embarrassment.

Create a signature for your emails

Often I will pick up the phone to respond to an email if it is starting to get tricky. It can become a hassle if I then have to look up the contacts details. At the bottom of each email, you should have your name, company, phone numbers and email details. It is also an excellent place to promote your business either through a by-line or a link to your website.

Never assume the worst

If you do not hear from someone relating to an email never assume they are simply not responding. In the past 6-months I have had a dreaded intermittent bug that has attacked some emails but not others. In this instance, I was not receiving emails and those sending them were never made aware of the problem at their end. If it is important follow it up with a call.

Avoid SMS Spam

Whenever you send an SMS text message to someone ensure you include your details. For about 6 months I was receiving text messages relating to a new night club. That would have been okay if 1) I had wanted to go; 2) they let me know where it was if I wanted to go and 3) if I even knew who they were.

Mind your spam

Luckily we have rules now to protect us from spam mail and so to save yourself from breaching any laws it is safest to invite people to receive your company newsletter. I do this by asking directly or sending out a copy to people I have met and asking them to let me know if they would like to subscribe.

Write like an adult not a phone message

SMS is the modern shorthand. I find it very disconcerting when I receive emails written in SMS text. You may be sending it from a phone but I am not receiving it that way and what do I say all along – Image Matters. The worst faux pas a person can make is writing a letter in SMS shorthand. My mother received such a letter from a friend’s adult daughter and I had to translate it for her.

Check your spelling

Use spell-check every letter you send out. It takes only a second and will always make you look educated. It helps to have your system set to automatically spell check every email you send.

Write what you would say

Only send in an email what you would say to someone’s face. Remember it is not like a letter that you can rip up. If you hit send before delete there is no going back.

Don’t yell

Just because you are no longer in your grade 5 English class there is no reason to forget your grammar. Emails written entirely using upper case or capitals for everything is the same as yelling at a person.

Respect everyone’s space

It is okay to send a straight reply to a person but if this banter goes on you should delete unnecessary text on the subsequent emails. Use and retain only what is relevant to that response or event completely delete all historical notes as you should have them on file in the earlier emails.

Some of the main points to consider are

Always put relevant information in the subject line
Never use all CAPS as that is the same as shouting
Only ever use the reply all function if the information is important to everyone.
When replying to an e-mail that has become a chain of successive e-mails remove all of the previous e-mail us except the most recent.
Be aware of your company policy as many companies do not like the forwarding or receiving of anything of a salacious (rude and improper) manner.

Feel free to share this article. Be sure though to acknowledge the author Clare Maxfield

If you feel that you would like this material and more for your graduates, staff or anyone else who needs a hand getting into the corporate market please see my full 6 and 12-month graduate training programs in Appearance, Behaviour and Communication for both men and women.

Oct 13 2016

Your Personal Brand

Your Personal Brand

We know that your visual image accounts for more than 55% of how you are initially perceived to the world but how does the entire package, which is you, add up.

There are five separate, linked areas that make up the ’you’ that you are.

They are:

The 5 Elements that are your personal brand

From the above image, of the elements which make up your ‘Image’, ‘Your Brand’, the who that you are – there are 32 individual elements which fall into 5 separate categories and the 2 smallest elements of Appearance and Body Language will have the greatest impact on a person that you meet for the 1st time. Sadly, this means that your Reputation, your Communication Style and your Natural Presence, (which are more to do with who you really are) can be rendered irrelevant should your appearance and your body language be under par and unimpressive to the person with whom you are trying to impress.

From the minute we make our mind up about something, whether it is positive or negative we will find supporting evidence around us to agree with our decision.

Let’s say you decide you like someone at work. The next day, they are late for a meeting, you will forgive them. The day after that, they borrow your notepad, you probably won’t mind and the day after that they go to lunch with another person during the time they said they would cover for you. You might by now be starting to question their motives. The following day you hear them talking about you, you start to get suspicious and by the seventh day when they have taken your car spot, you now don’t like them.

Depending on the degree and depth of your like or dislike and your attachment to your feelings it can take anywhere from 7-15 touch points for an initial impression to be swung around to the opposite.

This is great if the person you have had dealings with decides that they like you to start with. You have a great deal of leeway to make the odd mistake as you move forward. Not an ideal direction to take, but it may not have disastrous results. Now should they initially decide that they do not like you, for whatever reason, you can be struggling to regain this lost ground. You have no room for error for quite some time.

Whilst I know it is what is inside that is important, it is your knowledge, it is your skills and it is or should be based on who you truly are and not what you look like that people judge you by. The sad truth is that the way you look, your clothes and your posture are what they will more than likely remember.

“People will not remember what you said or did, but they will remember how you made them feel”. Maya Angelou

Leave people feeling good about you and they will have good thoughts about you.

Let’s look at how you can impact people. Everything here is equally important to developing your personal brand. Never underestimate the value of your image, or over-estimate the value of your skills in the beginning. Everything balances out initially. It is with time that the non-visual will overtake and common sense prevail.

VISUAL

Appearance

This is simply what you look like -exactly the same as judging a book by its cover

Physical appearance – purely the way you look
Clothing – the clothing you wear
Grooming – your personal grooming, how you do your hair, the way you apply your make up, the way you present yourself.

Body Language

Is the message your body is giving without you having said a word

Mannerisms – these can be head tilts, foot tapping, any action that you make that is particular to you
Posture – how you stand up and the way you sit in a chair.
Gestures – are hand movements
Facial expressions – expressions you make with your face
Territory – the space around you, your territory is like your private wall. Some people allow people in and others keep people at the distance.
Positioning – This is where you place yourself in a crowded room.
Movement – This is how you walk and the movements you make when you are speaking

NON VISUAL

Nothing which can be seen – it is either heard or experienced

Reputation

These other beliefs that other people have of you. If you are smart you will be in charge of the reputation is built around you rather than being the result of what other people are saying. As you will see, this area is judged on what you have done, can do and are expected to do.

Visibility – what people see that you do
Track record- what people know that you have done in the past
Experience – what is your previous experience , it can be relative or not to what you are currently doing
Qualifications -what you are qualified to do
Ethics – what are your moral actions
Values – what it is that you value in life

Communication

How you communicate is relative to the second largest element of a first impression. How you speak which allows for 38% of first impressions and includes the spoken and the written word. The written word is highly valued especially in terms of an application or email communication with a person you have not yet met.

Speaking style -how you speak, the speed and depth of your voice. Voice – your accent
Vocal variety -the amount of interest in your voice
Language -simply the language you speak
Writing style -your penmanship or your use of grammar and spelling.
Listening style – do you actively listen to people you are speaking with?
Thinking style – How do you respond to questions?
Presentation style – How do you present your ideas?

Presence

This is the real you. It is very hard to fake this side of yourself for long.

Natural self – this is just you being you.
Rapport -do others feel comfortable with you
Charisma – charismatic people draw other people to them
Confidence – confident people are comfortable with what they are doing
Self-assurance – self-assured people do not need others to tell them they are doing a good job.
Self-esteem people with self-esteem do not need others to tell them they are OK
Warmth – People with warmth make other people feel welcome
Humour -People with humour naturally make other people laugh
Etiquette -Etiquette is knowing how to act in any given circumstance so that you look in place as opposed to out of place

Don’t let yourself down by ignoring the little actions which initially could make or break that first impression. If you are confused or nervous about how you appear to others, contact Clare for an Image Management audit and make sure that you are known for what matters. Your skills.

Aug 18 2016

Conviction is the salvation of the soul

Watching the Olympics it is clear to all how committed to their sport these elite athletes are. They have singular focus, that for many, would have begun when they were children.

It made me wonder…Exactly where would I be today, if from a young age I had conviction in my actions? That I held firmly to the belief in what I was doing and what I wanted to achieve.

I talk to many people about their plans and their goals and find that often there is doubt. With doubt comes uncertainty and with uncertainty failure.

As the saying goes, if you believe you can you are right. If you believe you can’t you are also right.

Hold tight to your goals and you will get there.

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